My Window

“I love you.”

Everyone has been told this phrase (hopefully). By their parent, friend, sibling, etc.

They are lovely little words that mean a lot in any genuine circumstance.

This week, for the first time, I understand these words in a new way.

“I love you, Ella.”

Said the young man I trust with my heart. Two years ago I wasn’t even a legal adult, and now I am loved in a way that felt so far. A way of romance. A way of attraction and partnership. A way that only applies to one person in your life at a time. A way that makes you want to create a life with them, a family.

The ancient greeks believed there are 7 different kinds of love. Ludus- a silly love that’s flirty a playful. Philia- a platonic, friendship type of love. Storge- the unconditional love of a parent. And, a few more.

It’s funny how when we are young, we can’t understand some of these types of love. The ideas of them are a stranger to us. Then, as we get older we long for different types of love. We long to be parents, or be married, or that we could love people we’ve never met, strangers from across the world.

Then, we understand them. We find the people or gifts that make us feel those types of love and we never want to let them go.

The other thing about growing up though, is knowing that sometimes we have to let those things go. Sometimes we have to leave people, or let them leave. Sometimes it’s sad, and sometimes it’s scary, but not always bad.

In less than a month, things will be back to the way they were before I knew “I love you” in the new and exciting way.

But, I’m not scared.

He’s someone I didn’t expect to fall for and to me that has been the magic of it all. He’s gonna leave and I know I’ll miss him. I’ll miss his sweet acts of kindness. I’ll miss, “Thanks pretty lady.” I’ll miss the way he makes everything fun and makes me want to be better. I’ll miss his hugs and the rough edges of his strong, but gentle hands. I’ll miss the face he makes when he smiles so big his eyes crinkle. I’ll miss his constant contagious laughter.

Yet, I’m not worried. There’s a strange sense of calm that everything is going to work out exactly how it is supposed to. That even if the end result is not us together, that at least he would have taught me what’s it like to be loved for all my flaws and weirdness and all the ways I’ve grown. Taught me that physical touch is a token of caring and not just worldly desire. He taught me that love is not possessive and comes with a want to grow as a pair and through each other’s strengths.

For the first time in a while, my faith outweighs my fear, and what a relief is it when you can give your worries to the Lord, knowing they’ll be safe in his hands.

I have a lot more growing up to do, but I’m proud of how much I’ve grown already and who I am right now. Some days my flaws are more prominent, but likewise are my strengths. I’ve learned a lot about what things are most important and how to keep my focus in the right direction. I take my next step with courage, knowing that I can do it, even if I’m scared. Knowing that everything that happens is a way for me to grow and I can do no wrong in trusting in Heavenly Father, my Creator.

I guess growing up isn’t so bad<3

Update May 2024: We got married last July and couldn’t be more glad. :> ❤